You know what the only thing worse than an annoying commercial is? An annoying commercial that spawns an entire recurring ad campaign. If it didn't work the first time, it's not going to work just because you keep pounding it into our heads. Here are the five most annoying campaigns that I wish never existed.
5. American Express - The newest American Express campaign is a response to I think Mastercard, whichever card lets you customize your cards terms and upload any image you want for the front of the card. In these American Express ads, someone pulls out a card with some image that they like on it, and are ridiculed for being childish and stupid. The one that makes the least sense to me is someone purchasing a plane ticket. Do you really think that the fucking customer service person working for the airline cares what your credit card looks like as long as it clears? Another shows someone on a business lunch with someone and they whip out a credit card with like cartoon bees or some shit on it. Why would the potential client cancel their deal because of his credit card? "Oh no! This guy's picking up the tab that we were about to pay ourselves with some childish looking credit card! How can we get out of this business deal?" This is America, not communist China; people are allowed to express themselves. Besides, aren't we better off letting people express themselves through credit cards that remain in their wallets most of the time instead of some more obtrusive fashion? Of course, I don't think I've ever been ANYWHERE besides CostCo that actually takes American Express, so maybe that should take their advertising budget and just keep the money in their pockets so they can stop charging people assraping fees and actually improve their market share.
4. Charmin - These commercials don't make any sense at all. Since when are bears the fucking experts on toilet paper? They poop in the fucking woods, why should I be taking advice from them? The commercials are pretty creepy too, as they seem to be instructing me to stand in the bathroom with my children while they take a dump and then show them proper wiping technique. You know what? Even for the really good stuff, toilet paper is only like 50 cents a roll. I think I'll risk a kid using a little more than they should while learning how to do it themselves instead of tempting fate with a child molestation lawsuit.
3. Red Bull - I think maybe one of these was actually funny, but it's been so long I can't remember. I'm not a big fan of crappy animation, so if they're going to use such piss poor animation that even I could have drawn it, it better be fucking hilarious. A dude drinking a Red Bull so he can fly into the air and shit on a bird because it shit on him is not funny. Why would you think that's appropriate for a commercial for a drink anyway? Apparently nothing sells beverages that taste like shit better than actual shit.
2. Visa Checkcards - These are the commercials that play factory music while people run through a store buying things really fast until someone tries to pay with anything besides a Visa checkcard. I can understand not wanting people to pay with actual checks as those take time to write out, but who the fuck are you to make me feel guilty for using cash? Cash is the actual fastest form of payment in most, or probably all, retail stores, so whoever came up with this campaign should be fucked in the ass with a Visa checkcard. After all, it's the fastest form of sodomy!
1. Enzyte - This is Bob. Bob has a limp dick. Bob is also happy admitting to the world that he has a limp dick and takes pills to get
it up. He also appears to live in a small town where all the other men also have limp decks and are jealous that he has found a cheap
substitute for Viagra. Now I'm not saying that I want to listen to Bob Dole talk about erectile dysfunction, but there has to be a
better way than this. No wait, I don't give a fuck if there's a better way. Shit like this shouldn't air on TV. This really isn't
that big a problem, and for people who do need pills like these, I'm sure they know they do. No one's going to see this commercial and think
"Oh yeah! I forgot that my penis doesn't work! I wonder if I should have that checked out to see if I can change it." I'm especially annoyed with
these commercials because when I watched wrestling, they were on every single commercial break. It's probably because their target
audience included a lot of people jacked up on steroids because they wanted to be wrestlers, so they needed the pills to counteract
the impotence that steroids cause. Long story shot: no one gives a fuck about Bob or his dick.
Who are the ad wizards that came up with this one?
© 2008 by Dr. Jeebus