I'm Not Your Guy, Buddy!

An open letter to anyone who works a cash register:

I'm not your friend. I don't know you, and I have no desire to learn about you. Despite what the worst recurring character on SNL EVER has been telling you, there's nothing cute or funny about talking to me at great length. Do not ask where I found this product that you are now interested in buying. You fucking work here, figure it out for yourself. Do not tell me your life story, or really anything about your life. This goes for waitstaff as well. I don't care if the item I just ordered is your favourite dish on the menu, or if you just had the same thing yesterday. If I cared about your opinion of the menu, I would have asked for it before placing my order. When I give you my credit card to pay with, do not consider it reading material. Despite what your training video said, customers do NOT like it when you read their names off the card and thank them personally. If you could read and remember my name, how do I know you didn't read and remember the card number so you can go crazy with it online?

I don't know why this is the sort of stuff that I need to tell people, but seriously, just do your job. The average person has like 80 years to talk to people, so there's plenty of time to share all that valuable insight with people. Just don't make it be me.

dr_jeebus@sydlexia.com

I swear, I'm actually very friendly in person

© 2009 by Dr. Jeebus