There are a lot of things you're told to prepare for the first time you go on a date. Stuff like "open the door for her", "pull out her
chair", and "no means no". These days, of course, you're probably considered a pussy if you follow any of that advice. However,
there are a couple pearls of wisdom that I feel are never truly emphasized by parents or peers.
If a girl is about to kiss you or do anything to you of a sexual nature, do NOT open your mouth and go "yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah" like you're
all fucking proud of yourself. You can say it in your head, but if you open your stupid mouth and let it out, the laughter that
follows tends to kill the mood.
Speaking of letting things out, this is the most important advice I could ever give anyone, and yes this is based on a real experience.
We're all familiar with the book Everybody Poops, and subsequently everybody farts. I'd like to think you already know not
to go around farting in girls' faces then expecting to bone them, but sometimes you gotta let one out. On those rare occasions when
you just have to let one go, don't sigh and let out a big, satisfied "Ahhhhhhhhhh" BEFORE you excuse yourself.
Quick, release the noxious amnesia gas!
© 2008 by Dr. Jeebus