Part of working at a comic book store is having to deal with eBay. I'd like to begin this by saying that if you can avoid eBay,
don't go anywhere near it. I could write volumes on the extent to which they suck, and maybe at some point I will, but just know
that unless you absolutely cannot find what you're looking for elsewhere then stay the fuck away from them. That being said, we've
put some wacky shit online over the years that I can't help but share.
Karma Sutra book (used) - Fucking gross. I can't tell you if any of the pages were sticky, highlighted or anything because fortunately
my boss had put the book in a plastic comic bag so my bare skin didn't have to touch this thing. I have no issue with buying used
merchandise usually; it's a great way to save money on products that, particularly in the case of books, work just as well as a new
copy. In this case, though, you really should just shell out the extra few bucks and get a new copy.
A gorilla suit - Technically, this item never made it to eBay because Black Zarak just had to have it. I'd post a picture of him wearing the
gorilla suit, but apparently he's taken them off his MySpace page.
1950's era swingers' catalogue - You're probably wondering what this is, because I had no idea either. Ever since it's invention, movable type has
been nothing more than a device with which to get people laid. Before there were dirty personal ads in newspapers with all those little acronyms
that no one understands, there was the swingers' catalogue. The catalogue was actually nothing more than an entire book of those ads, but with
dirty pictures since it was its own publication. This item is the perfect gift for the boy that wants to say "your mom's a whore!" and finally
have proof.
Sherman Helmsley's CD - Yes, THE Sherman Helmsley: George Jefferson from "All in the Family" and "The Jeffersons". And like 100 other things
according to IMDB. Apparently, pretending to be able to sing is something all old actors like to do, not just the former cast of Star Trek.
My boss played a little bit of the CD for me. Most of it was awful.
Wine tasting board game - While I have played board games on occasion since turning 21, I don't think that's the case for most people. Even if it
were, if you're sophisticated enough to want to do a wine tasting, you're probably not going to want your guide to wine tasting to be in a box piled between
Twister and Yahtzee.
Report card from 1943 - It was actually a midterm progress report, but it still said report card on it. In the year 1943 Norman Chaput was failing
English due to unsatisfactory homework, carelessness, and because he had much make up work due. Who the fuck could possibly want this "product"?
There's only a handful of people who ever would have cared about it in the first place, and they already threw it out! Still, I feel confident
that, somehow, one of Norm's grandkids will find this and buy it. After all, nothing says "happy 75th birthday, Grandpa!" like being reminded what
a failure you were as a child.
A CD by some chick entitled "Inside Myself" - I don't remember the name of the artist, but I very literally bust out laughing when I saw this.
Luckily no one was around, otherwise I would have had to explain how immature I am.
That's all I have for now, but I assure you that this list will be continued again. Oh, and I'm pretty sure every one of those items has sold so
far, except for the report card.
Boy for sale! He's going cheap. Only seven guineas.
© 2008 by Dr. Jeebus