You know we're not that different, you and I. No, I'm not a Bond villain, I mean that men and women aren't that different.
My readers may be almost exclusively male, but whatever; I thought it was a catchy opener. You know what? Fuck you. Now you don't get to hear what I think.
Fine, I'll keep going. Aside from obvious anatomical differences, men and women really aren't that different. If you don't know what
anatomical differences I mean, then clearly you're too young to be reading this. But seriously, what's really different about men
and women besides anatomy? My girlfriend, for example, likes movies where shit blows up, enjoys playing Guitar Hero
and Wii Sports, and is reading Mark Millar's "Kick Ass" with me. There's even a study that shows that men and women find the same
stuff funny; I can't find this study, but I assure you it's real. Of course, confronted with economic hardship, if a man and woman
both were to put a sign that said "this space for rent" on their crotch, the woman would be much more likely to get her bills paid on
time; that's really just an example highlighting the aforementioned anatomical differences, however, and not really another difference
between men and women. With so many similarities between men and women, why does society feel the need to treat us differently? For far too long, gender
inequality has gone unchecked throughout the nation, and it's appalling. You all know what I'm talking about: public restrooms.
Guys out there, have you ever seen inside a women's restroom in a nice department store and probably a fancy restaurant? I happened to catch a glimpse
of the first room of the facilities in a Nordstroms department store, and I was shocked. For starters, there was more than one room. When the door to
the women's bathroom opened, there were multiple couches, coffee tables, and fucking TV's in plain sight. What the fuck is that? Guys are lucky
if there's a plastic barrier between them and the next urinal. This wasn't even that upscale of a store either. I assume that if it was the sort
of store where the cultural elite would shop that there would have been an espresso bar and a magazine rack full of...I dunno, Glamour and Cosmopolitan
and stuff. No matter how upscale a men's bathroom gets, it's still just urinals and stalls. The more upscale it is means the less likely you are to
contract a disease by sitting on the toilet. Oh yeah, and if it's really fancy then we get a guy in there to watch us pee and to hand us a towel after
we wash our hands. I've been washing my hands all by myself for decades now, there's no reason for someone to suddenly assume I need help, and especially
not to assume that I would want to pay for that help. I can't even imagine what the interview process for that job would be like...
Seriously, what a shitty job. I mentioned this bathroom situation to my girlfriend and she commented that men don't need bathrooms like that because we don't go to the bathroom together. You know what? We would. If men's bathrooms had a front room with fucking leather recliners, giant plasma TV's, a bartender, and a magazine rack full of...I dunno, Playboy and Hustler, men would be more than happy to go to the bathroom in groups.
So now it is up to you, my social activist readers, to take to the streets and start spreading the word about this savage inequity. I have a dream, and that dream is to sit in a nice chair watching the Red Sox while a midget wearing a tuxedo serves me those cool little miniature hot dogs, all because one of my friends had to take a piss. You know, just like women get to.
I spend too much time in public bathrooms
© 2008 by Dr. Jeebus