There is absolutely nothing that liberals won't tax. In Massachusetts, and probably the rest of the country, they're considering putting trackers or some shit on all license plates and taxing people for every mile they drive. They already tax every gallon of gas you buy, but thanks to hybrid cars that's no longer enough, so they need a much more invasive way of stealing your money. Fortunately, this notion has yet to be approved so I can still try putting it in the "over my dead body" pile. However, Washington DC has just approved a tax on individual paper and plastic bags people get from grocery and liquor stores. It goes without saying that Tommy Wells, the man behind this idea, is a Democrat because there isn't a single fucking thing that liberals are above taxing. Before I even address how stupid an idea this is, here are the current steps in going to the grocery store:
1. Get in your car that you had to pay sales tax on when you bought it
That looks pretty ridiculous to me, and imagine how much more ridiculous it would look if we were also being taxed for each mile we drive. Not only would every single fucking thing you do short of breathing be taxed, but many things would being taxed multiple different times.
Also important to consider is that this plan is going to be a fucking nightmare to enforce. Lines in grocery stores move slow enough. With this new tax on bags, I won't be able to begin paying until my order is completely bagged. I know I already can't leave until my order is completely bagged, but the fact that I can pay while that's being taken care of cuts some time out. Now we not only need to wait until everything's bagged, but then the bags have to be counted so the tax can be added. So from a strictly logistical standpoint, we're already slowing down traffic through the grocery stores and causing unnecessary congestion. Here's the other problem: most baggers do a TERRIBLE job. When I leave the store and start loading my groceries into the car, I always find several items that are in a bag all by themself for no discernable reason. A single can of soup does not need its own bag, and a single 2-liter bottle of soda does not need to be double bagged. That means that I would be watching the bagger like a hawk and making sure that I am 100% satisfied with the way they bagged my groceries. If I am not, you can be damned sure they'll hear about it since it's costing me money. And since the majority of baggers are either idiots or don't care about their job, you can be damned sure that there's going to be a problem.
You might be thinking "Jeebus, if you're so fucking concerned with how your groceries are bagged, why don't you bag them yourself?". Well from pretty much the moment I was legally old enough to work until I left Massachusetts to go to college I worked as a bagger at a grocery store. It's a shitty job so while I can empathize with how annoying it would be for baggers to put up with that shit all day, it is also no longer my job to bag the groceries, it is theirs. Besides, why the fuck would I go to the store where there are employees being paid specifically to bag my groceries and then bag my own groceries which I will then be taxed for doing?
The beautiful irony of this is that the original article contains a video news report regarding the tax. In this video, we find that the alleged reason that this new tax is being imposed is to prevent litter in a particular waterway, but of all the trash we see in and around the water, there is but a single plastic bag visible. And yeah, there was a LOT of other trash. Makes me wonder what this money is really for.
2. Get angry because now you're thinking about the fact that you still have to pay excise tax on the thing you already paid sales tax on
3. Drive to the grocery store using gasoline that you had to pay taxes on
4. Purchase your groceries and possibly pay a sales tax on them (In Massachusetts there's no tax on unprepared food, only a meal tax, but in most states this is not the case)
5. You know those groceries you just bought and paid tax on? Well now you can pay another tax if you want the means to carry them home.
6. Use more gas which you paid taxes on.
7. End like 80% of your sentences with a preposition.
2011, Washington DC - Liberals Approve Tax On Every Time We Breath
© 2009 by Dr. Jeebus