Hancock is the Worst Superhero Movie Ever

My girlfriend and I watched this movie Friday night, and I have to say it was utterly terrible. I hadn't heard a single good thing about this movie (excluding P. Diddy's video blog where he proclaimed Hancock to be the greatest superhero ever, though he also thought that Hancock was the first black superhero ever which is very wrong) but thought that maybe it would be somewhat entertaining. Here's how the movie went:

1. Drunken Shenanigans. This is about half the movie.
2. Hancock saves the life of a PR specialist, gets a PR makeover. Takes 10 minutes or less of the movie for everyone to go from hating him to loving him.
3. 30 second origin story.
4. Hancock gets wounded, goes to hospital.
5. In hospital, we discover Hancock's weakness. Movie over.

Wait, did I just say movie over? After we discover the hero's weakness, isn't the villain supposed to try to unleash some sort of diabolical plan whilst exploiting that weakness to prevent the hero from interfering, even though the hero always does anyway? Oh wait, there is no villain in this movie. Sure, there's another person with superpowers, but it's Hancock's wife and she's not out to harm him in any way. Basically, this movie has nothing to do with superpowers or superheroes, it's just about Will Smith being funny as a drunken douchebag. Then again, the drunken shenanigans is like 80% of the movie, and everything else feels really rushed and pointless.

That brings me to the other big problem with this movie, however. There's really no such thing as drunken shenanigans. There's nothing really funny about alcohol. In movies and TV there is, but in the real world, not so much. In the real world alcohol gets us things like Ted Kennedy, and some douchebag who came into the store Saturday who was being extremely loud, obnoxious, and unfunny. Guess what asshole, chewing half a stick of sugarless trident isn't going to mask the stink of alcohol that surrounds you. It was like Pigpen of "Peanuts" fame grew up to become an alcoholic and visited me at work, especially the unfunny part. Seriously, did Peanuts ever make anyone laugh, aside from at their stupid dancing?

So my final review of the movie? Well I've come up with a system for rating movies in which I name the disease that I'd rather have than watch this movie again. Today's winner? Spastic colon!

dr_jeebus@sydlexia.com

Hey, Farva, what's the name of the restaurant you like with the mozzarella sticks and all the goofy shit on the walls?

© 2008 by Dr. Jeebus