Obviously I don't mean we should get rid of all laws and let people run amok in the streets decapitating each other; scenes like that
should only exist in Hollywood. I do, of course, mean the city and not in movies. Anyway, I think it's high time that all drugs be made
legal. Like most people, I'd rather not pay taxes. I obviously do pay my taxes and understand they're important, because if we could
get along as a nation without paying taxes then the Articles of Confederation would still be the nation's governing document. The solution?
Make all drugs legal.
People are going to do drugs whether they're legal or not. In fact, many people do them solely because they're illegal. Why shouldn't
we just legalize it all and tax the fuck out of it? The beauty of drugs is that the demand for them is price inelastic, meaning that demand
will stay the same regardless of price. This means we can put ridiculous taxes on these things that people shouldn't be doing anyway,
and they'll "gladly" pay them to relieve much of the tax burden from us hardworking Americans. Not only does this benefit those of us
who don't do drugs, it benefits the drug users themselves as well. If drugs become legal and are able to be regulated, then you'll
know exactly what you're getting. Drug dealers as we know them will be a thing of the past, so you won't have to worry about your marijuana
being laced with things they want to get you addicted with, and you won't have to worry about your cocaine being cut with arsenic or whatever.
I don't even know what drugs being cut with something means, but I know it's bad, and if it were legal that would be able to be regulated.
Many fearmongers out there would love to tell you how if drugs became legal, everyone will start killing themselves with hard drugs. This
is pure bullshit. You think just because heroine is now legal that on every child's 14th birthday their parents will get them a syringe and show them proper technique for
shooting up? It's not like everyone will forget that this stuff will fucking kill you. If all drugs were legal, hard drug use would
most likely decline; I feel confident that the number of people who use hard drugs because they're illegal outweighs the number of people
who would use hard drugs if they weren't illegal. Marijuana use would almost undoubtedly increase, however, as it is considered to be
relatively harmless. And as long as they're paying taxes on it, that's fine with me.
This plan has obvious economic benefits, but there's one other advantage as well: the chance to see a political ad paid for by the
cocaine farmers of America. You can't put a price on that.
© 2008 by Dr. Jeebus