Getting Old Sucks

I'm still way too young to be thinking this, but getting old sucks balls. Seriously. Friday at work I slipped on the stairs and fell. I was only on like the second stair so its not like I fell far, but I fell pretty hard on my leg and was limping for days. Actually, I'm still favouring that leg a bit. And what the fuck is the deal with that? I don't remember the last time I hurt myself and couldn't just walk it off. In fact, aside from the time I got third degree burn, I'm not sure that ever happened. Remember when you were a kid and you could tumble down a flight of stairs, cry for like two minutes, and be done with it?

When I was in 5th grade, so when I was nine years old, I was walking back from CCD one night. (CCD is the Catholic version of Sunday school that does not take place on Sunday). I normally just jaywalked because the church was right across the street from my house, but this night I decided to go to the light, push the button, wait for it to say walk, look both ways, and then cross. I looked both ways, started crossing, and then a truck went right into my leg. At the time I thought it was a big rig, but looking back on the event and considering where it was it was probably just an armoured car. I finished walking home, and I left that with nothing but a small bruise on my leg. A fucking armoured car hit my leg and nothing happened.

Another time when I was older, probably 16, I was going to play cards with my friends. Spanky McCracken was giving Syd and me a ride to our friend's house. I called shotgun and ran over to the car when he pulled up, but I slid on some wet grass and my knees drove into the car door. I fell to the ground laughing at my own stupidity, and only stopped when I got up and saw a dent in Spanky's car door the size of a basketball. We figured we could just pop it out, but it turns out I cracked the frame. His mom actually came to my house the next morning because when she saw the damage to the car she couldn't believe I did it without going to the hospital.

So what the fuck? I used to be able to withstand armoured cars and destroy car frames with my legs and stuff, but all of a sudden falling like 2 feet onto stairs takes me out of commission for days? I can't wait to see what happens ten years from now when my legs collide with something. My bones will probably shatter, the fragments will enter my bloodstream, and they'll rip my heart to shreds, killing me. I'm not really looking forward to that.

I fell 16 stories. Of course people were built tougher back then. I was jitterbuggin' the same night!

© 2009 by Dr. Jeebus